4:30 came and I climbed into my van as I do every evening when I am off from work. I buckled my seat belt and inserted the keys into the ignition. Tonight This is as far as I got before the tears started to stream down my face and my entire body started to shake as I became overcome by the grief I had been holding in for the past hour. If I’m honest, I’d been holding on to the fear and grief for the past few months. Guilt, fear, anger, helplessness …. just some of the emotions that hit when parenting a child who came from trauma and feeling like you are failing her because no matter how hard you try it doesn’t seem to be enough. The realization that your child is struggling and not knowing what to do because the problem lies within her. Adoption isn’t the end of a story. It isn’t the beginning either. Adoption is a piece of the story that means that no matter what happens I’ll be there.