Valentines Day is one of those holidays that evokes a confusion for me. I absolutely love this holiday yet at the same time I absolutely hate it. This year it brings on feelings that I am not sure I am ready to deal with. Still while dealing with the emotions and things that have been evoked by this holiday I have come to some realizations ... here they are.

I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by some amazing men. As most of you know I have not had a true male role model in my life. Yet through the past 10 years I have been blessed with great examples and guides who have filled in and taught me what a true man of God is. The first was my mission president. He showed me what it meant to be a worthy priesthood holder who respected his calling and family and had a great love for the Lord. Next came my Bishop who loved me and held guide me with a firm yet gentle hand. Next are all of the wonderful guy friends who have been examples of kindness, respect, and generosity. They are gentleman who value the priesthood they hold and are available to serve and bless when needed. These men give me hope and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed me with their friendship and guidance.

This letter was shared in my institute class tonight and I had to pass it a long. I love the idea that our great heroes of history had a sense of humor.

A Letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning. Springfield, Illinois. April 1, 1838

These words kept going through my head tonight and brought me a calm and peace.

How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord
Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he has said,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In every condition in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid,
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through the fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov'reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, through all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

Today I needed a comfort film and unfortunately none of the ones in my movie collection were really fitting the bill of what I wanted, so I decided to watch one of my favorite films which ended up bringing me more comfort than I would have realized. I watched National Treasure. I absolutely love this film. I love how it focuses on our history as a nation.

Many of you know that I have a great love of travel. I think a lot of that developed when I was quite young and had the opportunity to live all over this nation as well as over seas in Europe. During the past five years I have visited Washington D.C., Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Mount Vernon, & New York City. Each place holds memories and keys to our past and the hope of a brighter future. As an American I am blessed to be part of a history of people who fought for their freedoms. They escaped the tyranny they faced in their parent nations and escaped here to a new land to be able to worship in the manner that they saw fit. They did things that others didn't agree with in order to provide us with freedom. This decision not only effected the lives of these individuals but the lives of millions of people who have lived here in this amazing country. I feel that as an American I have the privilege of understanding this history and learning as much as I can about it. We are still apart of a democratic government where we are given the opportunity to vote for the person who will lead and represent our nation. I have never been very informed about politics but over the past few years I have been trying to understand more. I hope that each of you are taking that opportunity too and realize what a treasure that is.

Today my mind has been drawn to faith. A few weeks ago I bought a book by S. Michael Wilcox called, "When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered." The book talks about how our Heavenly Father is a fourth watch God. He waits until the fourth watch to come and help us. He shares the story of how the apostles go out on a boat into the Sea of Galilee. While they are out on the boat, the Savior stays on land to have some solitude. While the apostles are out on the boat a storm sets in and the waves and sea become extremely harsh and the apostles are trying to stay afloat. In Mark 6, it says, And he saw them atoiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them ... For they all saw him, and were atroubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid. And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.

Do you ever feel as if you are just sitting there waiting? Like you are in the fourth watch and you just want Him to lift the burden that is placed on you? That is where I am right now. I have been fighting with myself over this. Is it truly the fourth watch or does it just feel like it is? Does it feel like the fourth watch but really it is only the second? I know that Heavenly Father is not only a just and fair God but that He has the desire and knowledge to do what is best for us. There are times that I think we would settle for something that is good for us, but that if we just are patient and trusting in Him we would have something much better, we would have what is the very best for us.

Because I closed most of my celebrity sites I might be loosing my hosting here. I am just giving everyone the heads up. If that happens, I will try to e-mail everyone where I move the site too, but right now, I am not sure I can afford to continue hosting the site the way I have been. I promise to keep you all up to date.

**edit** I just heard back from my host. I do still need to find a new home, but she is giving me some more time. I will keep you all informed.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

Do we know who we are? And if we do, do we share who that person is with other people? I was discussing this topic with someone recently and I think for the first time in my life, this past year I finally figured out who I am and am happy with that person. I want to share that person with you.

I am educated. I love learning and find strength in knowledge. If I find something I don't know I do everything I can to learn about it.
I am strong. I have strength and tenacity in abundance and when faced with a problem I can endure.
I am imperfect. I always try but to err is human and that is okay.
I am loyal. I love completely and give my heart fully.
I am spiritual. I apply the gospel to my life and am constantly striving to be better. I find great joy in it.

This is who I am and I am proud of it. I am powerful beyond measure.