Sometimes I just sit and wonder. Not neccessarily about anything in particular. Then sometimes it is about anything and everything.

I wonder about yesterday ... about how I did certain things and how I wish to be better.
I wonder about tomorrow ... about what it may hold for me.
I wonder about the mountains ... about the stories each one holds.
I wonder about my friends ... about how well I really know them and the things they are experiencing.
I wonder about chocolate ... about what makes it taste so good.
I wonder about forks ... why in the world do they call them forks?
I wonder about my Savior ... about how it is possible for Him to love so much, especially me.

I wonder ...

I had a discussion this week that left me thinking. So I expanded that discussion yesterday to get more opinions. And now I have decided to ask you and get your opinion. Do you think it is possible for friends of the opposite sex to just be friends?

I will come back later and state my opinion, but I really wanna hear what you think.

I am back ... basically all the girls I've talked to think that it is possible to be just friends with guys and the guys believe the opposite. I kind of agree with the guys to some degree and the girls to another. I have many guy friends that I have been attracted to at some point. Many I have liked, but I have a lot of other guys that I have been just friends with. They are like brothers to me and these friendships are truly priceless. So I guess I think you can be just friends. I love the bear hugs they give, the teasing they torment me with, and the way they look at life. I sure am lucky.

On Wednesday I get on a plane and head to Mobile, Alabama for four days. You may be asking what I am planning to do in good ol' Mobile (pronounced Mobeeel). I am going to be attending the America's Junior Miss Pageant. I have had the priviledge of becoming friends with the most amazing family this past year. They have a daughter by the name of Stephanie who I just love, and she just happens to be the reigning Utah's Junior Miss. Over the course of the past week she has been in Mobile participanting in events for AJM. One of the things that the girls have the opportunity to do is to write Diary Entries each day that are judged by the Mobile Register. Stephanie's was the most recent one choosen. She compares Utah Prom to Junior Miss Prom. Go here to read.

I am so extremely proud of Stephanie and no matter how this next week turns out I am grateful that I am going to be able to share this experience with her in some small degree.

I am proud to be a woman! This has been something that has been on my mind a lot lately since I have been discussing womanhood in my letters with my good friend Spud Butt. I am becoming more and more saddened by how much womahood is no longer respected by the majority of the male and female sexes.

I attended the Kenny Chesney concert the other night with my good friend JRA. As we were sitting in the car waiting to get out of the parking lot we were discussing this topic. It amazed me at how while we were talking about it two different things happened to prove the point. First, a young woman started screaming at the guy that she was with. Every other word out of her mouth was a swear word and she used the F bomb like 4 or 5 times. Next, a truck with some guys in it drove past ours and asked us to show them our boobs. At first I wasn't sure they were talking to us, but as they continued their comments it became apparant that they were. Also about two weeks ago I was spending time with some of my guy friends. We were watching television when a commercial for "Girls Gone Wild" came on. I was disgusted by the crude commercial and said so. The guys mocked me for my distaste.

So here is what I think the problems are. First, women no longer act like women. We don't respect ourselves by the way that we dress or the way that we talk. Society encourages unmodesty in our apparel and foul language from our mouths. Second, a lot of men find women as objects rather than people.

JRA pointed out that we are seeing Satan use his tools to stop families and marriage before they start. That is true. These things are priceless and he will stop at nothing to stop such valuable things from happening. I hope that each of us tries to take a stand and do something about that. Men, respect the women in your lives. Honor them. And women, remember who you are. Be the daughter of God that he has intended you to be. Watch what you wear and what you say. Carry yourselves with dignity and demand the respect that you deserve.

I have been sitting here watching a movie about life during the Civil War, the more I watch the more grateful I am for the things I have in my life. We truly are blessed to have modern conviences and the knowledge that we do have. I count myself blessed.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Life has been changing lately and at first I thought it was just me, but the more time I have spent thinking the more I realized how much everyone's life is in a sense of upheaval and change. I think all of my friends are at the point in their lives where they are making major decisions and trying to figure out what they want and where they want to go.

My big change lately has been my job ... Well today I found out that I have a new job starting the first week of July. Wish me luck!

For the past 24 hours I have just felt so alone. I felt alone sitting in an almost empty office. I felt alone crying on the couch watching television. I feel extremely alone right now as I watch one of my friendships fall apart. I am just not sure I can do any of this anymore.

People are like stained glass windows -- the true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within. The darker the night, the brighter the windows.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

I have had a lot on my mind lately about what true beauty is. Is beauty about the makeup we apply to our faces, the clothing we adorn our bodies with, the jewelry that hangs from our necks, the way that we do our hair?

When I had my surgery last month the first thing that frustrated me was how badly my hair looked because I was unable to do it without assistance. I hated how disheveled my clothing was because it was hard to tuck my shirts in one handed. It bothered me that I rarely could wear jewelry because I couldn't reach up and fasten my necklace or put on my earring backs. As I have spent time contemplating these things I realized just how superficial these things are.

True beauty is about who we are as people. I have had the privilege this year to be in the presence of one of the most beautiful individuals I have ever met. She would be embarrassed if she was to ever read this, but I want to share with you my experiences with this amazing woman.

Her beauty starts at the surface. She has a beautiful smile, gorgeous hair, athletic figure, and more. But her beauty is more than just skin deep. She is kind to all that she comes in contact with. I was speaking with a co-worker about her one day when I was told how a parent had told this teacher how this woman had changed her sons life. She had treated him with kindness when many others had not. I have seen this with my own eyes as she has befriended some that others would barely even talk to. She is gracious and finds moments to thank others who have touched her life, from her basketball coach to the office staff. She radiates a spirit about her because she chooses to live her life in a way that the Spirit is constantly with her.

May we all follow her example and exemplify what true beauty is. I am glad that she is a part of my life and has helped teach me about what beauty truly is.

81. I have had three surgeries in the past 6 years, a bone taken out of my left foot, my gallbladder removed, & relief from carpal tunnel & cubital tunnel in my left arm.
82. I love orange creamsicles.
83. I love animals, we currently have 2 dogs and 3 cats, Ollie, Louie, Annie, Max, & Zoe.
84. I have a pet goat who lives in Indiana.
85. I am a Canon girl, I have three SLR cameras and they are all Canons.
86. I used to have three piercings in one ear and two in the other.
87. If you gave me the choice, I'd always choose white chocolate over milk chocolate.
88. I love the poetry of Robert Frost.
89. If I hear the song Can't Help Falling in Love With You, it will get stuck in my head for a long period of time. (Ben finds great joy iin this.)
90. I want to one day have my portrait taken by Busath photography.

Well the surgery is over and now I am in splint cast for the next two weeks until I go back in for my follow up. I am a bit sore, but over all I am doing well. I have good drugs and have managed to dress myself and make breakfast! Huge feats!

I wish that my heart had an off button. Think how convienent it would be ... you could turn it off when you realize that someone isn't interested or if they end up having a girlfriend. Maybe I am crazy, but it really does seem like a good idea.

Do you ever wish that you possessed the gift of eloquent speech? Have you ever been speaking to someone and really wanted to say just the right thing, but instead you end up calling the Statue of Liberty the Eiffle Tower? Duh!

It is official, I am having surgery on my wrist. I found out today that I have carpal tunnel in both wrists and I have cubital tunnel in my left elbow. Plus I have to go and do a bunch of blood work to be tested for Rheumatory Arthritis and Lupus. Things in my life just keep getting better and better.

I am living in a contradiction. The thing I am being forced to do it extremely hard and is filled with pain, yet at the same time it offers hope where currently there seems to be none. I just wish I could see what the future held. Today I took another step in the right direction.